My Saturn Return is fucking me up


I’m blessed to have Saturn (and Jupiter, and Neptune, and my eighth and ninth houses) in Capricorn. I do have a few Serious articles coming up this month, being March and Aries Season (and my BIRTHDAY) and all, so I figured I’d give you some uplifting shit in the meantime.

(Yo, Pisces Season, I'm really happy for you, I’ma let you finish, but Aries season and my birthday are the two greatest events of all time. The two greatest events of all time!)

Since I was ten years old, yes, back in the year 2000, I’ve been WAITING for my Saturn Return. Why? Because the (severely underrated and grievously misunderstood) album Return of Saturn by No Doubt came out, and I quickly learned all there is to know about Saturn Returns. They are so dramatic, so real – they seem to make you so ready to settle into yourself...and as you exist as a self-conscious pre-teen, all you want to do is feel comfortable and settled in yourself.

For quite literally most of my life, I have been working on truly loving myself. And now, conveniently timed with my Saturn Return (that I didn’t even realize started until almost one month later - back in December 2017), I am arriving here. I’m happy with where I am and interested in seeing the continued growth.

To summarize, a Saturn Return is when the planet Saturn (surprise!) goes back into the (zodiac-appropriate) constellation it was hanging out in when you were born. You find this out by calculating your birth chart, if you're into that kinda thing. Saturn takes about 27-29 years to go back to where it was, and typically rests in its chosen position for up to 2.5 years. As the planet of getting your shit together, your Saturn Return comes at a pivotal stage of one's own adulthood.

Fun fact: Saturn is also the ruling planet of Capricorn, sooooo...I'm in for a bit of a struggle, here. Another fun fact: my beloved Kait is also in the same boat! We have the pleasure of experiencing our Saturn Returns in Capricorn at the same damn time. That's probably why we're ready to take our shit to the next level - together. 

Here’s what I’ve learned in my four short months of Saturn Return (unabashedly inspired by this article by Molly Guy):

1. I have infinite wisdom. Seriously. My intuition has been coming up in conversation a lot lately. I just know things, and that’s not something to be ashamed of. It's my greatest gift and I'd be stupid to continue thinking it hasn't shaped or informed my most productive learning experiences (and best decisions).

2. I’m happiest being myself. Wow, no shit, right? But we do tend to walk around presenting a certain way when we feel like it protects us. I don’t need to protect myself – I’ve gotten through the worst of my life, shielding and suppressing this part of me. I can now open up – I’m my happiest and best when I’m laughing, sharing, observant, and there for a friend. There have been so many moments of joy sitting across from someone and making them laugh, asking them a question, letting them know I’m here for the hard parts...that's me, at my most authentic and free. And I'm also gonna talk about astrology and healing and my fucking problems and DBT and conspiracy theories as much as I damn well please. 

3. There is beauty in grieving. Grief shows you the depths of your love. Whether it’s missing my grandpa, my cottage, or a past relationship of any kind – grieving those shows me where my heart is. I’ve loved so strongly that I’m able to feel sadness; to feel  and understand the importance of a connection.

4. I was meant to have the relationships I’m experiencing right now. Everyone collected in my life is here and they’re going to be here. I’m at peace with my best friend going for coffee, I’m at peace with my roommate talking shit, I’m at peace with my colleagues and our inappropriate jokes. I’m at peace with most of myself. There is no greater time and there are no greater people than right now. It's worth remembering that it might not always be this way, sure, but I'm kind of over worrying about the what-ifs of my undetermined future. More Saturn Return, please.

5. My core values are clearly defined. JOY, love, diligence, openness, family. My inner fire is JOY, lit and kept burning by my relationships and working towards my goals. Absolutely no bitch - be it a man or an enemy or a shitty event - can ever take this away from me. 

6. Humble has many definitions, but mine resonates with me the strongest. I will not be told otherwise. Sit down.

7. I am on the right path; I gotta keep going. While my life has felt a lot like nothing I do matters and everything is terrible, it's also been full of dope shit. I've seen mountains. I've opened flagship stores. I've conquered my fear of telling people I have a mental illness. What balls I have, talking to myself as if nothing I have accomplished means a thing in this life! It's not the truth. The truth is, all signs point to I AM KILLING IT

Oh yes, there is more to come on my Saturn Return. It's going to be all I can talk about for the next two and a half years, after all. I wanna know about yours and I wanna answer your questions about it. That's what comments are for!! You can also follow me on Twitter, where I am most lively and angsty about my everyday life :)