Overcoming obstacles, being present, and being me in 2018
My card of the year for 2018 is The Chariot. In the tarot this is all about being in control, moving forward regardless of obstacles on the path. This feels right for me right now - 2018 is decidedly my year to move past my limiting beliefs. I'm committing to it.
In January so far I co-organized and facilitated an event in a space I really respect. I booked a vacation. I got my period back after like, 5 - 6 years without one in any sense of the word (#wellnessjourney). I bought plants. I bought a new tarot deck. I gave some tarot readings. I prioritized self-care. I cleaned my apartment. I paid my bills. I'm proud.
These are small, insignificant-seeming things but energetically and symbolically, they're big. Nine or so years ago I was generally an anxious bag of bones. I tried so hard to find my power outside of me. Sometimes, I still fall into thinking it is, or it could be, but that's a limiting thought. It robs me of any actual power I do have.
My identity is not going to be found in some neat, compartmentalized shit like a body or a job or series of relationships. I'm not the sum of my parts. I'm not a story, in any sense. That's what I want now. To be present. Because when I'm present, that's when I'm most alive. Most magnetic. Most powerful. Most fucking joyful.
One time I was hanging out with some friends and I was doing accents and impressions and joking around. One of my friends was like, "You have like, 40 different people in you right now." In that moment, yeah, I was doing it on purpose, but I feel like I do have all these dimensions. When I'm present, I can access them. It's more expansive. Knowing that has been a really important part of being at home in myself.
Anyway, that's what I mean by overcoming obstacles in 2018. I want to be here, not in my head. Not in a state of trying to make my life - my "self" - into some story. That's my direction now.